Trust versus Jealousy

 Saint Augustine stressed that, “He that is jealous is not in love.”

True as it may seem, jealousy is the root cause of most, if not all unsuccessful relationships. Sometimes we blame other people for our failure and disappointment. It is the evil party that ruins the streamline of love. Comparatively, just like how a single rotten tomato placed within a dozen of good tomatoes causes other fresh, good tomatoes to perish. Similarly, if jealousy seeps in between two couples, the anxious care and deep affection would eventually get rotten. In connection, envy, the cousin of jealousy, destroys the positive rhythm of romance. Although envy is synonymous to jealousy, they are different by nature. Jealousy means lack of trust or confidence to person, on the other hand, envy means the urge or desire to acquire a possession illegally and immorally.

 

Jealousy is like a smiling worm inside your heart.

Meanwhile, some lovers perceive jealousy as a sign or even an evidence of love and care.  On the contrary, love and care are best seen and felt with anxious concern and desire for the welfare of loved ones. Just as they are, oil could not be mixed with water; likewise, jealousy and love don’t go hand in hand because jealousy is not love and love is not jealousy—consider building a sand castle with less amount of sand. Would it stand amid circumstances? We can’t have both at the same time, it’s either we cling to the one, and leave the other.

True enough, we can never have a good harvest, if we have sown wheat first then tares later. It’s either you stick with planting wheat and burning any unwanted tares sown unintentionally during the harvest. In sowing seeds of trust and love, we reap hundredfold of trust and love, however. Many people still believe the best foundation of a relationship must be built with trust and refined with care and commitment—and that’s amazing! In addition, trust should be present in any kind relationship so it can grow strong and last long. Trust is valuable and so is love--trust is earned over time. We tend to give our trust after days of knowing a person. We show confidence to a person that we believe has integrity. 

No matter how bad a person has done before, we must not judge him today or tomorrow and not trust that him.  We should always remember that people are different in ways of correcting our mistakes--ways we don’t see and understand the way they perceive it! Discernment is the key to knowing whom we should trust, but we should be careful in using it because discerning means knowing the deeds and desire of a person’s heart. Knowing how important it is to get know a person first before we judge them, we should be patient and perseverant. It may cost us time, money, and energy but in the end we will have this feeling of satisfaction and gratitude.

Trusting is knowing, not seeing.

I love what Mahatma Gandhi counseled that whenever we are confronted with an opponent like jealousy and envy we can conquer it with love. At times, we might have pinch of jealousy due to some doubts with partner. To avoid worse scenario, we should discuss it with him or her so that little clouds of distrust would disperse soon before it becomes a nimbus cloud and shower heavy rain and soak the union with discord and sadness. Moreover, when your partner committed infidel action, as much as possible, learn to understand him and the root cause of it. Manage to do all you can for him to get out of that darkness. A repentant person would be more than happy to have a forgiving and loving partner. True love endures through hardships. As much as we don’t want to tolerate unusual or untoward behavior, we also don’t want to condemn anyone. Through love and compassion, all wounds will be healed. Only a fool will try to remain a sinner. Breakup, separation, annulment, and divorce must be the last resort in this if all solutions should fail.

Some are busy seeking for Mr. Right or Ms. Right. A justification like wife or husband is not the perfect person is unreasonable if the real intention is just to find someone to flirt with. This false and rotten imagination of ours might lead us to infidelity. The truth is we should make the person we love be the right person to be with. It’s a matter of commitment. No girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, husband or wife will ever leave the other party if both of them are committed to love each other despite dilemmas; also, spend valuable time together despite hectic schedule, and continually nourish that growing relationship.

Stop being envious of others’ almost perfect relationships, there isn’t any magic at all. When diligence, commitment, and love are kept, a wonderful and fairy-tale-like romance would grow like a beautiful flower. Stop finding the right person, but instead be the right person for your lover. Lastly, Robert A. Heilein in his book Stranger in a Strange Land mentioned, “Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. An immature mind often make mistakes and or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy where in fact, they are almost incompatible--one emotion hardly leaves room for the other.”